By Keith Williams

HOLLYWOOD, CA (Hollywood Today) 7/3/11 — Brain cells imploded across America this Independence Day weekend as Transformers: Dark of the Moon stomped its way to an estimated $97.4 million at 4013 scrapyards.  Since opening tuesday/wednesday, that’s $162 million domestic, $210 million international, with the Big Day yet to come.

Flattened in its path, the new Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts romantic comedy Larry Crowne sputtered to $13 million at 2973 scooter dealers, while tween pic Monte Carlo went bust taking a measly $7.6 million at 2473 casinos.

With director Michael Bay and star Shia La Bouef admitting that the last Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen, wasn’t very good, hopes were high that the third instalment in the franchise would be superior in every way.

Ahem.  Story is incoherent, action sequences, particularly the 45 minute climax endless, and the acting of the female lead atrocious.  And we’re not talking Frances McDormand here.  Come back Megan Fox, all is forgiven.  Her replacement, after she got fired likening Bay to Adolf Hitler, makes Fox look like Helen Mirren.  Underwear model Rose Huntington-Whitely may look sensational, especially in high heels and tight dresses, but her performance is so mechanical you start wondering if there’s to be a twist at the end where she turns into an Autobot.  Or Autobottom, more appropriately.

Transformers when it clomped onto screens back in 2007 opened to $70.5 million en route to $319.2 million domestic, $709.7 million worldwide.  The sequel two years later pulverised $108.9 million in its debut weekend, rising to $402 million domestic, $836 million globally.  Dark of the Moon is something of a come-down from those figures, especially once higher 3D and Imax ticket-prices are factored into the equation.

Technically, Transformers 3 is mind-boggling.  Dramatically however, like its predecessors it lacks suspense and tension but overdoses on puerile humor.  There are those who argue that such qualities, or lack of them, are not what these rollercoaster movies are all about, but with the current TF clocking in at over two and a half hours, that’s a mighty long time to go without any basic thrills or involvement.

The weekend’s other automobile movie, Cars 2, reversed by an alarming 62% to take $25.1 million, confirming for many that this sadly is one of the rare creative and financial failures by Pixar whose record has been more or less unblemished up until now.

Bad Teacher found herself downgraded by 55% at 3, marking up $14.1 million in rotten apples for a total of $59.5 million, but at least this was still more than the woeful Larry Crowne achieved, despite the presence of its stellar cast.

Directed by Tom Hanks, whose last directorial effort was the pleasant That Thing You Do! which opened to $6.2 million ($34.5 million worldwide) back in 1996, and starring himself and Roberts whose last pairing, Charlie Wilson’s War brought in $66.6 million domestic from a $9.6 million debut, Larry Crowne was doomed before it had even been released by being saddled with such a dull title.

Dull, it would appear, extended to the script, the performances, and the poster itself, resembling as it did a homage to Quadrophenia.  Reviews were less-than-exciting too, so it’s hardly surprising no-one, other than scooter freaks, was exactly panting to see this movie, especially over the gaudiest weekend of the year.

Arriving at 5 in the charts, Fox’s Monte Carlo defies any rational comment, seemingly appealing to those in the audience whose idea of a good flick resembles When In Rome and other romantic “fantasies”.  Starring nobody I’ve ever heard of other than Andie McDowell, a google search reveals that its star Selena Gomez is noteworthy for being the star of Disney Channel’s Wizards of Waverly Place as well as being Justin Bieber’s designated girlfriend.  Having written that, I now feel 100 years older.

At 6, Green Lantern’s wattage dimmed by 65% for $6.2 million, just enough to gain membership to the $100 million club, 7 saw Mr Popper lose 50% of his penguins while gobbling up $5.1 million for $50 million worth of sprats, Bridesmaids at 8 continued their march down the multiplex aisles for $3.5 million ($152 million in confetti so far).

9^th place found those first class X-Men tumbling by 57% with $2.9 million ($138 million in Magneto caps), leaving the top ten exit door swinging open for Hangover Part II failing to regain sobriety by 59% while groping for $2.2 million ($248 million for this year’s Thai Hard)

Weekend Estimates courtesy boxoffice.com