Vampires do live, and live well
By Jeffrey Jolson

Ivana wants a vein

HOLLYWOOD, CA (Hollywood Today) 8/24/09 — Vampires can surprise you. Not just in the alley late at night, but with their opinions on mankind.
And besides a decent scotch, that’s what I was in search of when I agreed to go Vampire Con’s big closing Ball at the Musicbox theater/club in Hollywood. Things had been down and out in the investigative reporter game, and I was hoping for a story that I could earn an easy $25 on. Boy was I wrong.
The first beautiful vampiress I met at the Ball was dancing to Mozart in an 18th Century French gown, including powdered wig and blood dripping. She called herself Ivana.
Ivana Vein, to be exact. And she went for mine.
She had a quick answer for everything, even politics. I queried if creatures of the night paid attention to human politics, and her eyes burned as she said yes.
“Of course I vote, I have done for centuries. This time, I am all in interest of a good health care plan. The better the health, the better we drink,” said Ivana.
While I figured on one side that she was just acting in character, something in her eyes told me no.
The seductress told me her story and her take on the lamentable tale of all vampires, and blew off some myths.
“I don’t do animals. I love garlic,” she said in answer to varied questions. “Yes — we can go out during the day, if it isn’t too bright. Nighttime is just easy pickings. No! We don’t turn into bats. When I fly, I go Delta.”
When asked when and where she was bitten, she replied Pensacola, Florida, and that she was 296 years “young.” She said her very first victim was a priest. “Because of the cross,” she said. “And yes, we can go into a church.”
I asked where she would go next. She said New York City. “You can scoop in and pick them up. It’s like 24/7 takeout. It’s a round-the-clock blood buffet… All you can drink.”
But what would she do for sustenance this evening? She pointed to a very pretty young girl with a green wig, schoolgirl skirt and garters with stockings. This was the Vampirella Ball, after all. Yet what I heard next surprised even this old gumshoe.
I had to warn, or at least interview, the next victim. The girl, whose name was Angelica, did not exactly leave when notified she was in danger. “She has free reign over my body. I want to have my hair pulled and be fucked and sucked with my underwear torn. Hot wax and bread crumbs keep a woman loyal. She’s very sexy and I would love to join her.”
Uh, OK. So much for saving the damsel in distress.
So I went to another vampiress, named Angela Eve, who had apparently lost her clothing except for a whisper of latex.
The said she “was turned” in New Orleans in 1892 and her first meal was her first boyfriend. The next was a neighbor’s cat.
Not surprisingly, she said “I like to taste the blood.” Life for her in the Big Easy was a little more surprising. “I eat regular food when I have to. Since (Hurricane) Katrina the prey has become displaced like everything else.”
What’s a vamp to do? Well, she had few words for us mortals. “The humans need to handle their shit a lot better. At the end of the day, we will persevere. They will not.”
Asked what her legacy messages to other vampires would be, Ivana said “Bite Me.” To humans, her message was “Bite You.”

Angela needs blood