Seven insurance policies, bickering eulogies, last ditch court maneuvers, exhumation suits, $5,000 parking spots and a half-empty ceremony mark day of “dignity and decorum”
By Jeffrey Jolson
Smith laid to rest
HOLLYWOOD, CA (Hollywood Today) 3/3/07 — Anna Nicole Smith was finally laid to rest – maybe – as the parties involved could not put their tacky battles aside for even a moment of silence. An emergency hearing stopped Friday’s funeral procession, papers were filed to move both mother and sons body to Texas, the eulogies were used by some as a platform to attack rivals for her estate and profiteering took on Biblical proportions as even the church charged up to $5,000 for media parking spaces.
Her mother Virgie Arthur was booed at her own daughter’s funeral while Smith’s ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was cheered like a rock star, baby Dannielynn was a no-show though everyone said the funeral was to be kept respectful for her, the media was in an uproar as “Entertainment Tonight” bought rights to the funeral as part of a what they said was a $4 million deal with Howard K. Stern and a Bahamas judge said if there was an exhuming to be ordered, it could be him at the inquest on Daniel Smith’s suspicious death.
It was also reported that Anna Nicole had a whopping seven life insurance policies, with Stern the presumed beneficiary along with the baby. Insurance company investigators may not be as hesitant to act as law enforcement officers have been on this case of two suspicious deaths.
It seemed almost ironic that the baby’s guardian Richard Milstein asked that the media show a little class while all this was going on. His statement read “Mr. Milstein kindly requests that the members of the media uphold the decorum and dignity that should be maintained throughout this process, for the sake of Dannielynn and the memories she will have of her mother’s funeral.”
The media did stay quiet, at least until they went on camera after the funeral. There wasn’t much to shout about, but they found a way.
TV celebrity correspondents all gushed about the spectacle, but in the end the facts got in the way. There were fewer people behind the ropes than at a good nightclub, less “over-the-top” pink than a Victoria’s Secret window, fewer paparazzi than most Hollywood film events.
E! News’ Jason Kennedy was quoted as saying “It was the greatest spectacle he’d seen in his life,” and went on to describe “50 people lined up at dawn.” If a rock concert or sporting event had that few waiting at dawn it would be canceled. He enthused on how it had grown to about 300 tourists and locals by showtime. Hardly a frenzy. The t-shirt sellers did not look happy.
There was plenty “Pretty in Pink” about her pink coffin covering with her name spelled out in rhinestones.
“Showbiz Tonight” called it “Pomp and circumstance fit for a Queen,” but later admitted only130 guests showed up for the memorial out of the 300 possible invitations.
CNN called it “A VIP event that made the Oscars look like a barn dance.” No, only a couple of A-minus names at best, former Guns N Roses guitarist Slash and former wrestler Hulk Hogan. Others may have slipped in, but in general, celebrities stayed away in droves.
Showbiz correspondent Susan Candiotti had to pause when asked if it was the “over-the-top” spectacle it was billed as. “I never saw a red carpet at a funeral,” she managed. “And I saw a lot of pink everywhere, in the hearse, in the church.”
Hints of a superstar performance ended up being country singer Joe Nichols playing two songs that Stern requested, “I’ll Wait for You” and “Wings of a Dove.”
Anna Nicole’s mansion is tourist attraction now
The reporters were honestly emotional about access, however. “Extra’s” Carlos Diaz said on “Larry King” that his TV crew went to the church for a quick shot long before the funeral was told by an employee that no one else could film there as “Entertainment Tonight” had made a “sizeable contribution.”
Noting that photographers were charged $2,000 each to stand outside the church, Headline News’ Lou Dobbs quipped our favorite line “Nothing says reverence for the dead like a funeral with a cover charge.”
“Entertainment Tonight” personnel said on Larry King recently that they don’t pay for interviews. That is in line with most serious media outlets except the tabloids. It’s not just ethics. For one thing, people will simply make up stories to get a large check. For another, it warps your ability to gather news if you ask a question and someone responds “How much will you pay for the answer?”
However, paying for video footage appears to be another matter. TMZ’s Harvey Levin said “The game in this town is that videos bring big bucks.” And the videos can be bought from news services or crews who in turn pay the interviewee, thus creating a “middle man” and plausible deniability.
When Ron Mott of MSNBC pointed out to viewers that “Entertainment Tonight” was allowed into the funeral, he said, “it remains to be seen if there is money involved, or how much money is involved.”Lisa Summers Haas, a spokeswoman for the newsmagazine, refused to address questions about how “Entertainment Tonight” got the special access. She said it was “approved by all of the parties.”
Stern said that “Entertainment Tonight” paid for his private plane flight to the Bahamas — filming him weeping onboard — but denied receiving any money. Before she died, Smith reportedly had a working arrangement with “Entertainment Tonight” to provide material.
Rest in Peace, Anna
Meanwhile, “ET” did have the best access money could buy, even if it was Howard-centric. It was from them we heard Howard use part of his eulogy to bitch at his rivals in the room. “The truth, there’s only one truth, and it’s not what people say in court, even if those people are your blood relatives,” said Howard. “It’s not what people who claim to be your friends say to the media … it was wrong for people to portray Anna the way they did when she passed away … people who claim to be friends, her lawyer and even the judge … if these people have decency, or dignity, or any concern for Anna or Dannielynn, they wouldn’t have done it … it was disrespectful, but not the truth that I know, not the truth that I know.”
Virgie sat as far from Stern as possible. Birkhead commented on Stern’s snipes by saying “We were all given equal amount of time and that’s how he chose to spend his time. I wouldn’t have used my time that way. … It doesn’t make anything better,” Birkhead said.
Headline News’ Nancy Grace was getting pretty angry after three weeks of the Anna Nicole story, and had no one to rage at but her correspondents. “How many years did he pay child support?” she demanded of the hapless CNN field reporter after Smith’s first husband and Daniel’s father filed for a hearing to exhume his son and move him to Texas.
The reporter said Billy Smith testified he last saw him in 1988 and spoke with him in 1996. To which Grace pounced on with “Back to the child support, question. Has he been paying for the upkeep of this boy for all these years?” To which the reporter could only reply Grace would have to ask the family.
Even our favorite little medical examiner, Dr. Joshua Perper, had to admit the graveside service was “Just a handful of people. Emotional people, they put roses on the casket.” He also said it was almost an open-casket affair. “The body could have been shown but Mr. Milstein at the last minute decided with the parties that for security reasons to have a closed casket.”
Security wasn’t much of a factor after Anna Nicole was buried with a portion of ashes from her billionaire husband Marshall and wearing a tiara. One we hope wasn’t too expensive as CNN twice reported that there were only “Three security cameras and no fence around the isolated cemetery.”
There is pending legal action over custody of her daughter, who stands to inherit a fortune, and over ownership of a Bahamas mansion Smith used to establish residency in the islands last year. An official inquest into the death of Daniel Smith in the Bahamas is also pending. As Stern is in the middle of all that, radio shock jock Howard Stern can continue to have fun with the story of his namesake.
There was crying by many during the funeral as befitting its benefactor, Judge Larry Seidlin, now called “The Crybaby Judge” by the press for his courtroom tears. He’s weeping all the way to the back with a likely new television show. Milstein summed it up when he said “If I could write a Greek tragedy I could not write one as sorrowful and hurtful as this.”
RIP, Anna Nicole. Rest next to your son and with the peace you never knew in life.