By Jeffrey Jolson
Smith flogging for MTV
HOLLYWOOD, CA (Hollywood Today) 02/22/07 — Circus? What circus? There was testimony Wednesday on unmarked graves, accusations implying a double murder, post-mortem profiteering, methadone use during pregnancy, conspiracies galore and tears that ran from the witness stand to the bystanders. And that was before lunch, when family and friends (?) viewed the reportedly decomposing remains of one Anna Nicole Smith — whose celebrity in life couldn’t hold a candle in the wind to her superstardom as a hotly-contested corpse.
Anna Nicole’s mother Vergie Arthur broke down in tears and said “My grandson did not overdose. Howard was there when Daniel died and Howard was there when my daughter died. And he has my granddaughter now and I’m scared for her life.”
She added “I said to Anna on national TV when Danny died, ‘You’re going to be next. Please be careful of what and who is around you.”
Howard K. Stern had an ominous day in court. Besides being accused essentially of murder or at least complicity by Smith’s mother, the judge took him repeatedly to task on Anna Nicole’s methadone use, his role in supplying her and profiteering. Stern squirmed under the judge’s scrutiny and repeatedly asked his own defense attorney to object to this, object to that. 
“Anna kept her medication stocked in two drawers in the bathroom,” Stern testified. The judge specifically asked whether Stern could have stopped her drug use PRIOR to when the baby was born and Daniel died. “I talked to her about it, and she cut down. But when Anne made a decision, she was pretty clear on it. I don’t think the drugs influenced her decisions.”
Stern, wary that his testimony might incriminate him in the inevitable future court showdowns, said “We’re jumping the gun here.” To which the judge replied “I am jumping the gun here. I have a gun to my head. I have to decide by Friday at noon.”
When the judge showed him a video earlier admitted to proceedings of Smith saying her mother was evil, Stern commented “There are times when she was more impaired than that.” Seidlin quickly asked “More? Are you saying she’s impaired in this video?” “No.” “You just said more impaired.” “Yes,” answered Stern.
A day earlier in court, Stern said under questioning from the judge, that money from the contested inheritance of billionaire Howard Marshall was not the only income he would control if he was father and guardian of baby Dannielynn. “Aside from her lawsuits, someone has to generate income from her name and likeness for Dannielynn.”
He angrily mentioned an apparently incriminating video of an eight-month pregnant Smith in painted makeup as an example of uncontrolled distribution of Smith’s likeness. Yet he shot and appears in the video of a stoned-out Anna Nicole in clown’s makeup, if that is the one he referred to. And in the video, he utters the incriminating words “Is this a mushroom trip?” and “This footage is worth money.”
Even the will that names Stern executor was taken to task by Judge Seidlin. “When a fish has a little smell, you get rid of the whole fish. This is a piece of paper, purporting to be a will. Would any woman in America sign this will? What state of mind was she in? There are plenty of holes, plenty of holes.”
Stern was further induced to admit that he earned no income in 2006, and that Anna Nicole was his only source of money, right down to buying the shoes that he wore.
When Arthur said she had received no money for media interviews or cooperation in 2006, she said “The only one that ever made money off my daughter is that man right there,” Arthur said, pointing to Stern, whom she accused of agreeing to sell video of Smith’s corpse.
“That’s why he wants her body, for a million bucks.”
She further said she was not allowed to her grandson’s funeral, nor would cemetery employees tell her at first where the body lied. “They told me “You could look all you like you won’t find it. There’s no stone.’”
A cemetery worker finally took pity, according to Arthur, who said she was pointed to a grave unmarked by anything saved some paper-wrapped flowers and a note that turned out to be from Larry Birkhead. “That’s how I found out where my grandson was buried,” she said in a comment that had even some attorneys wiping away tears. “Because that’s where Larry’s note was.”
Rival dad Larry Birkhead testified too, remarking on when Anna Nicole was taking thumbprints for her daughter Dannielynn’s baby book. He said “Anna kept a baby book at the hospital. I put my thumbprint in as the daddy. She took Howard’s thumbprint, put it in the book and then wrote ‘Uncle Howard’ next to his name.”
In a more serious charge, Birkhead testified he “Had a couple of clashes at the hospital with Howard because they had duffle bags that they kept taking drugs out of to supplement the drip hospital was giving her. He was thwarting the hospitals efforts to get her off medications.”
It was a day of emotional testimony inside and heated arguments outside where press agencies from all over the world gathered. There was a melee when Stern arrived and his bodyguards physically swept reporters away. One veteran reporter said “it was the worst press scrum I’ve ever seen.”
A small squadron of media helicopters followed Arthur, Stern and Birkhead went to view the body, which they found done up in makeup and a dress, open casket-style.
“There’s not a circus here,” said Judge Seidlin in a rare flash of anger when an attorney mentioned the term. “This is a calm proceeding. Don’t use that term. It turns me off. It’s sometimes little casual, but that just allows us to get things done quickly.”
Aside from the prospect of turning Smith’s colorful life and death into profit, Smith’s estate could also one day be worth half a billion dollars if a separate, decade-long courtroom battle to inherit the fortune of her dead husband, oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall, prevails. So the question of who fathered Dannielynn looms large.
Furthermore, this circus (sorry, Your Honor — it’s true) is an expensive one to cover for some media outlets. Checkbook journalism was constantly referred to in court and in commentaries. Documents were presented in court that “The Insider” was charged by Splash News Agency $12,500 for video footage of Arthur at her grandson’s bare memorial. Which seems like a lot, until you see that they were also invoiced $15,000 for baby pictures of Larry Birkhead.
The implications were that the money was in turn paid to Arthur for her cooperation. And while she said she did not receive any money stemming from her daughter’s death, she hemmed and hawed on questions of future payments or travel expenses, and the Judge let her slide on the matter.
Meanwhile, she had no trouble relaying to the court Stern’s reported deal for exclusive funeral video rights of $1 million, ostensibly with “Entertainment Tonight,” who has been privy to exclusive interviews with him for some time. That is IF he gets control of the body.
Apparently, “The Insider” didn’t pay enough, as the show’s Nielsen ratings were only up 7% on the week, while “ET” and “Inside Edition” both set season records and were up over 11%.
Hollywood Today, for one, will never engage in checkbook journalism as we can never find it, and whenever we do, it’s overdrawn. Which is odd, because there are still checks left in the book.
Which is all about as funny as anything some of these clowns are saying in open court.
